Facebook "Friend"

Everyone has a friend who seems to be obsessed with Facebook. For me, that person is Adam. In the past 24 hours, Adam has acquired 16 new friends, bringing his friend total to 1,803. Since yesterday at 8:30 AM, he has updated his status over 30 times and a recent post about his Tmobile sidekick launched a heated debate over the pros and cons of touch screen cell phones that collected 23 comments in less than 1 hour.

Adam is so active that at least once a day, I contemplate blocking hom from my newsfeed or defriending him completely. His uploads and posts consistently dominate my newsfeed and I often find myself wondering what my real friends have been up to. But when Facebook prompts me “Are you sure you want to remove Adam as your friend?”, I can’t do it.

Although his frequent posts are annoying, they are also very entertaining. I find a guilty pleasure in reading about his love-hate relationship with Abercrombie & Fitch, v-neck t-shirts, vodka, and Colin Farrell. This is made even more disturbing when I remind myself that I don’t know Adam personally. We became Facebook friends after my roommate became obsessed with Adam's numerous YouTube videos impersonating Lady GaGa.

I remember being shocked at how quickly Adam accepted my friend request considering I’ve never met him and there is no reason we should know each other. Within 20 minutes of my request, we were friends. The initial search for Adam provided only a thumbnail picture, but once approved, I had full access to his profile and the wealth of information there.

A quick flip through of Adam’s profile pictures reveals that most are self portraits photo-shopped so that Adam resembles Lady Gaga. Other pictures include semi-nudes, sketches, and a handful of pictures taken with friends. Most of the personal information about Adam comes from his posts rather than from his profile. His email and IM contacts are listed on his page, but a recent post advises that “email is never checked and IM is so high school. TWEET me or call ###-####”. While the area code is left off, a quick check of Adam’s location reveals he lives in Augusta, Georgia where the only area code is 706.

Adam recently took a weekend trip to Hilton Head. Not only do I know the hotel he stayed at, I also know what room number, where he went to dinner, even what he ordered to drink. I didn’t want this information; I didn’t even go looking for it... It simply shows up on my newsfeed.

His most recent update: “Question: who's going to see that valentine movie with me?”. This was 23 minutes ago. Already there are 17 comments, the final comment from Adam himself, “I get annoyed when fans from far off distances answer questions like this... Are you planning on flying in from South Africa anytime soon? Didn’t think so.”

A fan, that is exactly what I am. I am a fan of Adam and his mundane yet extraordinary life. I don’t care about his phone number or his vacations, but his video-posts documenting his latest attempt at becoming the next Perez Hilton or Lady GaGa amuse me. For his sake, I hope the rest of his fans have as little interest in him as a person as I do, otherwise he may just end up with a crazed fan at his doorstep.